strange [day] indeed

In the last week, I've awoken and not been able to go back to sleep due to thinking of business cards.  Yes, I know that's a strange worry.  Recently I was asked to get new cards printed for the CEO of the organization I work for.  Unfortunately, he and anyone else who might have information regarding where they were previously printed was unsure.  Unsure of where they were printed, that is.  I believe the {business went out of business}.  So, I was left to find a new printer.  After obtaining price quotes from a few places whose reputation I had no idea about, I decided to get them printed at Staples.  I had a coupon, plus I figured Staples most likely isn't going to go out of business.  Therefore, whenever we need to print more cards, the folks at Staples will be ready to go.  Well, for whatever reason, and I'm really not sure why, I've had an anxiety issue about the cards being printed.  I feared going to pick them up and them being completely wrong, or them costing 10x more than I'd been told they would, or them being laced with anthrax (okay, not really).  I realize these are fairly ridiculous concerns, but that's the way my mind works, especially between 2 - 4 a.m.  


I picked them up this afternoon.  I looked at them, and thought, "Hey, they look good."  I took them back, showed them to someone else in the office who agreed.  I then placed them on the CEO's desk while he was out of his office.  Not too long later, he swings by my desk.  He's got the box of cards in his hand.  My heart sunk, knowing, just knowing he absolutely hated the cards.  Something must be wrong.  He proceeded to ask me if they were expensive.  Again, something must be wrong.  I told him the price, then he showed me one of the cards, asking me to look at it.  I did.  And then I saw it.  The card listed his title as Chief Operating Officer.  If you've been paying attention to this somewhat boring story you'll realize that is not his title.  He's the Chief Executive Officer.  We actually do not have a COO.  The artwork I'd been emailed was from years past when he was the COO.  But times have changed.  He's been promoted, yada yada. . .   Fortunately, he was not upset about this.  He laughed about it.  He mentioned he'd hoped the error was on Staples.  But it wasn't.  It was on us.  He's going to go ahead and use them.  And my guess is, unless he hands one of the cards to you, a reader of this entry, no one will notice the difference.  On we go. . . . . . 


Another oddity of this day was that I came home to my son wearing a hand knitted (my his friend's mom) hat.  It's hard to describe, and I really should post a photo.  It's sort of like what a reggae artist would wear.  His friend, whose mom made it, has dredlocks.  My son does not.  My son requested she make it, using red, white and black yarn in honor of the White Stripes.  If this doesn't make sense to you, I suggest you research the White Stripes, and perhaps it will once you see they're always dressed in these colors.   


What else makes this day strange?  Not only did I visit Staples once to pick up the cards and other stuff, I visited a second time because I left a manila folder containing important information on the counter when I paid.  I'm starting to feel God has a purpose for me at Staples.  I'm also starting to feel it's because there's a lady who works there that I honestly couldn't stand to be around six months ago, but I've tried and now I can tolerate her.  


I'm sure there were other oddities about today.  I just can't remember.  Except that I do remember one other.  Today I mailed a graduation card to my cousin who just graduated high school.  While addressing it, I realized she lives in the same house my dad lived in when he graduated high school in, get this, 1957.  The house was my grandparents' and now it's her mom's.  Interesting, somewhat nostalgic, and I suppose a symbol of some roots there.  Maybe her child will live there when he or she graduates too.  


I'm hoping for a better night of sleep tonight.  And I'm hoping not to visit Staples tomorrow.  And I'm hoping that Jamie's friend's mom becomes quite successful selling hats to teenage boys.

i-want-to-take-my-daughter-to-africa

Last year I wrote a blog entry about only having 10 years left before my daughter graduates college:  Mothers and Daughters.  This is stating the obvious, but, it's one year later which means there are now 9 years left [10-1=9].


Nine years.  Our time together will of course be shortened if she doesn't attend the University of Kentucky or Transylvania (her current choice) or Georgetown College or some other school in the tri-county vicinity.  Eighth grade, then high school, then "so long".  

Which brings me to the title of this entry:

I want to take my daughter to Africa

Perhaps you're curious as to why.  There are a variety of reasons:

• I'd like to share an adventure with her 
• I'd like for her to see life in another place, far, far away from Lexington, Kentucky
• I believe seeing the problems and issues faced by people living there firsthand would be an experience of a lifetime
• I'm curious as to what doors the trip would open in both our lives

I have no plan, as of yet.  I have no funds set aside in a bank account.  I don't know if the trip will entail just the two of us flying to an old church friend's home in South Africa and hanging out with her family for a week.  I don't know if we'll get in on some type of mission tour or if all four of our family members will end up going or if my church small group will go with one of our members from The Congo [excuse me but I don't think it's officially called The Congo anymore] as the tour guide.  

At this point, I don't feel a plan is in order.  It's a wait and see kind of thing today.  Tomorrow, well tomorrow I just might need to come up with a plan.   Meanwhile, if you'd like to send some cash, I'm fine with that, and I promise to set it aside for THE AFRICA TRIP.  

The truth is, if an opportunity to go to Brazil came to fruition, or Romania, or some other far away place, I'd investigate.  It doesn't absolutely have to be Africa.  But for some reason I'm drawn there.  I know it has nothing to do with the Toto song, Africa.   Maybe it's because I read The Poisonwood Bible twelve years ago or because I read Love Mercy last year and I'm influenced by books.  Although I've read Michener's Caravans and Mortenson's Three Cups of Tea and don't feel any calling to head for Afghanistan.  Maybe I should read Michener's Hawaii and meditate on the possibility of a mission trip/vacation to someplace geared to the American tourist.  That would certainly be easier and probably more fun, but I just don't think "fun" is what this trip will be about.  Enjoyable, educational, productive, and effective, but most likely not "fun".  [Please excuse my rambling in this paragraph.  Sometimes I'm a little scattered.  And I really do like to read.  And I take my reading seriously.  And, oh poop(!), here I go again. . . . . ]

Everyday on the way to work, I try to remember to pray for this trip.  At this point, I'm praying that it HAPPENS.  Hopefully it will happen, before 2020.  That's the plan.  That's the dream.  One way or another.  

a week in the life

Sometimes I can't think of a stellar idea for a blog entry.  Sometimes my mind is scattered.  This could be the result of having a 16 year old and an almost 13 year old and a beagle and a full time job and a husband who works at a church.  Or maybe I just have that type of brain [ie scattered].  

This week. . . . 


I completed reading Love Wins.  My opinion?  I'll only discuss it if you've read the book.  No judgments, assumptions, or comments welcomed from the un or misinformed [thank you].  



I began reading Leaving Van Gogh.  It's fiction.  It's really about Van Gogh, as in Vincent, the artist.  I have three small Van Gogh prints near my desk at work.  Yes, included in the three is the ever popular, Starry Night.  Am I a Van Gogh fanatic?  By all means, no.  I just happen to have the wall hanging, and happened to come across the book at the library.  I'm a random reader like that.  See a book, try it out.  What the heck.  Etc. . . . . . .   Mind you, I do avoid romance novels, graphic novels, science fiction, and various other categories that don't interest me.  


And speaking of art, this week I came across a photo of this painting in House Beautiful:

Rythme Coloré (Colored Rhythm) Sonia Delaunay (French, born Russia, 1885–1979)

I've tried to locate a poster of it via the internet, to no avail.  The colors would bring some things together in our living room [at least that's my opinion].  Son Jamie saw the photo and said, "That's abstract."  Yes, despite not having taken an art class since elementary school, he has a keen eye.  He even answered, "Salvador Dali" to a Jeopardy question recently, and was correct.  Perhaps art appreciation is in his future. . .  doubtful.  


And speaking of Jamie, he and I prepared our Cinco de Mayo meal tonight.  It consisted of green chili enchiladas, Spanish rice and refried beans.  We had a few red enchiladas left over from Sunday's meal.  But, Jamie said there was no way he was eating left overs on Cinco de Mayo.  He also mentioned it's his favorite minor holiday.  I'm not sure if he was implying he expected a small gift or token of affection, but since I didn't arrange anything, I'll leave it with the meal.


This week Jamie also shared that one of his female teachers has a tattoo of the name, "Jesus" on her ankle.  "Ah, Southern women," was his comment.  Sometimes kids give a glimpse into their thoughts at the least expected times.  I'm thinking he might end up marrying a Midwesterner.  


Daughter Allie is participating in a unique opportunity tomorrow.  Her school is going to create a video [yes, for youtube].  It's the entire school performing "We Are the World."  The highlight of the tonight's evening was me digging out a copy of the original, as in 1985, sheet music of the song.  The kids liked the photo on the front.  

Yes, that's Kenny Rogers in the white shirt with the  white hair.  He was popular in the 80's.   Allie strongly suggested I view the modern version of the video, which I did along with her and Jamie.   I hadn't remembered all the key changes.   Anyway. . . the point of Allie's school video is to raise money for the Japan earthquake victims.  How the video helps raise money, I'm not sure. . . . . .   Perhaps further details will follow.


This week husband Chip attended the  Vineyard National Leadership Conference in the Valley of the Sun, aka Phoenix, Arizona.  My home state is Arizona, so it wasn't easy for me to not follow, hoping if I showed up at the airport he'd feel obligated to let me tag along.  Sometimes I miss the West, and palm trees and cactus, and sunshine [especially when it's pouring down rain here].  But, today was a beautiful day in Central Kentucky, so I wasn't really jealous of those in the 90 degree desert heat.


Lastly, I came to a decision this week.  Which is good because I'm terrible at decisions.  I won't bore anyone with the details, because it's fairly mundane, but nonetheless [I love words like that - 3 words combined into 1!] it feels good to move on and look into something else.  Onward. . . . .. 

{what am I picking up?}

Our church had a Good Friday service this year.  Daughter Allie did not feel well Friday evening, so she stayed home.  Shorty after arriving at church, I received this text message:


Allie:  What do I do?
Me:  About what?
Allie:  The storm.  The tornado.
[Unbeknownst to me, tornadoes were apparently in the area.]
Me:  It's ok.  R u afraid?
Allie:  Yes.
Me:  Where did you hear about tornado?
Allie:  The sirens, weather channel.
Me:  Should I come home?
Allie:  No.
Me:  The storm will pass soon.
Allie:  Ok.
Me:  Where's the tornado?
Allie:  Versailles supposedly.  
[Versailles, KY, is just west of Lexington.]
Me:  Ok.  I'll come back.
[By this time, the thunder storm of the century is happening outside the church.  And, of course our home.]
Allie:  No.  I am fine.
Me:  Ok.  If you get afraid, sit in the stairway at the bottom doorway.  I will come if you need me.
Allie:  Ok.
[Later on........]
Me:  Doing ok?
Allie:  Yup.  Me, CJ and my build a bears are on the stairs.  What about u?
[CJ is our beagle.]
Me:  Yeah.  They're monitoring the weather here.  Should be safe right now.  You can relax. :)
Allie:  K.


Needless to say, it was hard to stay focused on the service.  Knowing that Allie was home alone, in a possibly dangerous weather situation, was distracting.  Plus Allie has traditionally been a weather chicken.  She was one of those small children that got really freaked out during thunderstorms.  Me, I rarely take tornado warnings seriously.  I'm not especially brave, but I feel weather broadcasters often over hype.  


But I did take something away from the night.  Something that one of our pastors shared, based on Luke 9:23:

Pick up your cross daily and follow me.

This is what hit me:  Pick up your cross.  Not, pick up your kids [as in after school or band practice].  Not pick up some groceries.  Not pick up dinner so the family can eat something before youth group.  But pick up your cross.  And I realized right then, that I often put my kids in front of the cross.  In front of Jesus.  


Please stay with me.  I'm not advocating loving my children less.  But I felt God was saying, "Love me more.  Love me more than anything.  And treat me like you love me more."  How many times do I not even consider doing something ministry related because I have kids?  It might mean giving up a couple hours with them so I can volunteer somewhere.  Or maybe a week while I go on a trip.  Or prioritizing my time so that spending time with Him is even more important than making sure their lunches are packed.  


I felt like God was saying, "I'll take care of Allie during this storm.  Don't worry about her."  Really, it's God's responsibility to take care of the kids.  Ultimately.  I have to depend on Him. And despite feeling like I should have donned my "Super Mom" cape and braved the thunderstorm to rush home and comfort my daughter, I didn't.  I gave her the opportunity to learn a lesson as well.  That God will take care of her when she's alone.  I've heard the stories before.  Maybe you have too.  Like the missionary family in Jerusalem whose daughter was killed in a bus bombing.  They allowed her as a teenager to ride the bus alone [as in public transportation].  In Jerusalem.  Where suicide bombers roam the streets.  And my initial thoughts are:  "Man, what in blue blazes were you thinking? Nothing is worth losing your child!"  But I suppose Abraham would beg to differ [ie the whole Isaac sacrifice thing].  And so would God [get it.....He gave up Jesus].  


So, yes, this has been a bit melodramatic.  An almost 13 year old girl home alone during a tornado warning might not stir up thoughts of ultimate sacrifice for you.  But really, my point is this:  Am I picking up my cross, or am I picking up something else?  And too often, I think I choose the something else.  

[spring break '11]

My daughter has a friend who went to London on spring break.  I'm not talking London, Kentucky, either.  London, as in England.  As in home of the queen.  Other friends have traveled to other locales.

We didn't travel over this break.  I have been in my current job for just over 4 months.  My husband has been in his for approximately three weeks.  Even if I have vacation days available I'd rather wait until summer.  

I did make it a goal to spend some extra time with the kids, even if it meant in the evenings or on the two weekends.  So, despite not going to sunny Florida or the Continent (that's mainland Europe, in case you weren't aware), we did have an entertaining time. [at least I'd like to think so]

this is not my dog

I've named spring break '11, {the week of the mouse}.  Since the Chinese give their years animal names, why not name a week?   You might wonder why?  Why mouse?  Because....... we became aware of a mouse in our house on Friday, April 1 [and it wasn't an April Fools].  Despite my childhood love of the book, The Mouse and the Motorcycle, I have no love for mice in my home.  He seemed to favor the laundry room and the kitchen.  He left a nice deposit in our dog's food dish.  Speaking of our dog, she never once let on that another creature had taken up residence in her abode.  Mind you, she's a beagle.  A hunter by nature.  Her nose's ability to smell should be as good as it gets.  Yet, no sniffing in the kitchen.  No barking.  No pointing at the washing machine. 

this is my dog

We purchased some traps.  We placed them where we thought the mouse was frequenting.  Then we came to the conclusion that the mouse really liked gnawing at our kitchen brushes (the type you use for applying butter, etc.).  He began building a small nest in a corner on our counter.  We placed a trap there.  In the early hours of Monday morning, he was caught.    In case you're wondering, CJ the beagle never made a move. 

The downside of catching the mouse is that daughter Allie is an animal lover.  She believes all creatures should live free.  Killing a mouse is out of the question.  During our recent move, we had to treat our back shed for termites.  Allie truly believed we should let them live.  Despite that they'd reek havoc on the shed, and eventually move on to the house, it mattered not to her.  I considered trying to release the mouse (it was one of those sticky traps, not the old fashioned type).  But alas, I couldn't bring myself to come in contact with him.  Plus, rumor has it it's nearly impossible to "unstick" rodents from these devices.  So, RIP little mouse.  


I suppose it's a good thing we didn't leave town for spring break.  Otherwise our mouse friend might have done some real damage.  Sometimes being homebound is a blessing.  As for other spring break activities:  percussion concert at Singletary Center [I ♥ that place], dinner at 5 Guys [their concept of the veggie burger is great], watching the final season of "24", watching the movie "The Tourist" [if you can't visit Europe, why not pretend you can?], shopping with Allie, helping with VCC youth group's Operation Burrito [that's my name for it, not theirs], dinner out with Chip, and coming home from work to find that Jamie's been outside for 2 hours straight, drumming. 

Now it's 8 more weeks of school. . . then SUMMER!  

seasons

Today is a sunny, early spring day in Central Kentucky.  It's a relief, because lately we've had some days that were more like winter, begging the question, "What season are we really in?"

Sometimes my life seems like that too.  Meaning I thought I was in one season, only to wake up one day and ask, "What season am I really in?"  My current season transition brings to mind some of the transitions that life brings.  Job changes.  Moves across town.  Children growing more independent.  And sometimes I look at the particular season I'm in and wonder, 

"How the he#% did I get here?"

Take for example a recent texting conversation with my 16 year old son:

Jamie:  How are we eating together?
Me:  Around 6 I guess. Why wouldn't we we?
Jamie:  You have your meeting.  (meaning a standing bi-weekly appointment his dad and I have)
Me:  That's next week.  Allie's going to a friend's at 6:30.
Jamie:  I don't believe you.
Me:  Don't believe what?
Jamie:  I could've sworn Chip said you had a meeting tonight.  (yes, Chip's his dad)
Me:  He's with Schweig and Glenn as usual, then I take Al to her friend's.
Jamie:  Mk.  If you say so.
Me:  Believe me, man.  : )

Jamie gave up meat for lent.  Here's a recent comment, via texting, regarding our family's meals:

What happened to eating new things as a vegetarian?  Why do we endlessly repeat the cycle of pasta, mexican, potatoes and soup?  Hm.

This is my life now.  My son feels he needs to keep my calendar.  As well as plan our meals.

I guess I forget sometimes that everyone goes through their own seasons.  I often feel like I'm surrounded by people who are running through a sunny meadow in the summer time, and I'm stuck in gloomy winter. But here's an excerpt from a friend's Facebook status:

Even when I am restless with where my life is today; I know this is only a season & it will not stay the same. God is using me even when I feel ill-equipped. He often reminds me that He is equipping me in this season both for the ‘today’s & the ‘tomorrows’. I am grateful for the present opportunities & new desires He deposits into my life. I feel as if they are nuggets to be treasured & nurtured for the next season.

On Friday I found out that a local business is closing its doors.  It happens to be the creation of one of my favorite authors.  She has achieved what I would consider great success as a writer.  She's been to Africa and done good work there.  She's spoke to groups, she's opened her home to others, she's accomplished A LOT.  Yet, her latest work didn't work.  And that speaks to me A LOT.  Even people who seemingly have had their {day in the sun} have other inspirations, other dreams, other plans.  And sometimes they fail.  Sometimes they have to close the door for the final time.

Often people from a past season don't comprehend why you don't want to return to the season you shared with them.  Maybe they're still in that particular season.  Sometimes we just have to move on.  Especially if that season wasn't the healthiest.  And I've come to the conclusion that it's alright to move on for my sake, and not worry about their sake.  [Please note I'm not condoning hurting people on purpose.  But I am condoning being true to God's leading.]

Often we are forced out of a season, not by our design.  Our plans/dreams/goals change, but not necessarily because we went looking for them to.  Circumstances (God's, ours, other people's) come into play.  I've come to realize that what I thought I'd be doing, what I for years planned to give my professional life to, is not the actual plan.  And that can be a little odd.  Somewhat unnerving, because I'm left wondering, like I stated above "How the . . . . . here?"

Please don't read this and think, "My gosh!  She's unhappy."  I'm not; at least not regularly.  I'm just trying to figure out where I am and what I'm to accomplish, and I'm hoping to heaven it will soon be more than go to work, deliver my kids to various activities and clean my house.  I'd like a little more than that.  I thought they'd be a little more than that at this stage.  I honestly accomplished more when my children were preschoolers than I do now.

So I guess I'll try to be content it's spring.  Spring brings new life, like no other season.  And instead of probing, "How'd I get here?", or "How do I get out of here?", I'll try to find something constructive to do here.  

money, lent, etc. [an update]

Update:

My last post eluded to my desire to give up money-worry [i.e. worrying about money].  I believe I'm so far/so good.  Last week was a little dicey, in that it included my husband's birthday [begging the questions:  should I purchase a gift, go with only a card, put my bike on Craig's List hoping to collect $20 then promptly head to Wildcat Warehouse to purchase an I ♥ Calipari tee shirt. . . . . ?].  Actually, my kids helped me decide upon a nice gift, which has been ordered.  Honestly, decisions like what gift to buy can leave me indecisive for days.  But, I made it through, this time.  [yay me!]

Update:  

Last week, like normal, brought its share of "I need $___ for a field trip, $___ for a trip to TN, $___ for a youth group activity," from my kids.  Please note I'm not complaining about my kids' spending.  All of the activities and/or events they asked about were, as Martha Stewart would say, "good things".  So, I visited our bank's ATM, conveniently located at the Kroger next door to my workplace.  I took out the necessitated cash on Friday, and I'm pleased to announce I did not have a mini breakdown watching it come out of the machine.  I promptly put it in my wallet, and went on with my day.  I'm also pleased to announce that when I arrived home, there was a card awaiting that had arrived in the mail that afternoon.  It contained a check for the exact amount of cash I'd taken out.  Yes. . . I know we've all heard these stories.  And no, mine didn't involve over $1000 and a mission trip to Africa or a broken washing machine.  But it did serve as a subtle reminder that all is well for my family financially. 

When I say all is well, please note what I'm saying is we have what we need.  And then some.  For today.  But that's all we're really guaranteed and all we really require, right?  Enough for today?

Update:

I assisted our daughter, Allie, with completing a bio for a project this weekend.  She stated her future plan was to attend Transylvania University [granted, she would absolutely have to receive a BIG scholarship for that to happen - and yes, it's quite possible she will] and become a middle school counselor because she likes to help people.  Allie is smart enough to realize middle school counselors aren't rolling in the dough.  She's also smart enough to know she has the capability to choose a career in which she would.  Another subtle reminder that she's getting that what matters most isn't about finances.  [Yes, I know she might change her mind down the road, but please, let me have this moment.] 

Update:

One of our son Jamie's recent Facebook statuses:  

Drumming some in Pheonix Park on this fine spring evening.

Perhaps he'll soon be paying his own way as a street musician.  

Update:

Our pastor completed a series on Sunday entitled, A Generous Life.  He mentioned something this weekend that sticks with me.  If I don't accept the bible's instructions to be a generous giver, I distrust Jesus's words.  I don't accept His promises.  I don't believe Him.  Yowza!  Pastor Kevin also eluded to the fact that God has always provided for he and his wife.  In prosperous times and not so prosperous.  Another subtle [or not so] reminder that I have what I need.  And more.  So I continue to not be bogged down with financial concern.


Update:
My husband Chip and I went for a walk yesterday [along with CJ the beagle].  And today.  The weather's been great.  And CJ really enjoys getting leashed up and escorted through our new neighborhood.  She even met a beagle friend today.  Really [and I don't know if my husband realizes this], I'd rather go on a walk with him than go to the movies, or even to some restaurants for dinner.  It's a free date, but more meaningful to me than a lot of other things.  Give me twenty minutes around Castlewood Park any day over two hours at Regal Cinema.  CJ feels the same way.  


Update:
I'm spending a bit of time each weekday morning, studying my "word of the day", and inviting God's presence.  It's been helpful.  


My evaluation:
I'm making improvements.  And I look back at what the Sister said [note again, my previous entry]:  

Lent is about becoming, doing and changing whatever it is that is blocking the fullness of life in us right now.

I'm removing those life blockers.  Little by little.