navigators and explorers

When I was a student, I enjoyed hearing the stories about explorers.  Remember?  Columbus, Magellan, Ponce de Leon, Balboa, Cabot, etc. 

This week after school my daughter began participating in high school soccer conditioning. This is a new thing.  She hasn't played organized soccer in years.  Apparently her school's team isn't that great [only what I've heard...no offense if you're on the team] and she has a friend or two who are on the team.  She likes to run; she's looking to fill some time.  So, she's decided to give it a try.

Our son has a game plan for the next four years.  College is mapped out.  He knows what he's good at and what he enjoys.  He doesn't need a navigator as much as he previously did.

Daughter Allie is a different story.  She wants to see the world, at least the European part.  She wants to be a foreign exchange student.  She likes to take photographs, she likes fashion, she likes music, reading, and, like I mentioned above, she enjoys running.  She wants to be an explorer.  But at this point, she still needs a navigator. 

Navigator.  
I think that's the parents' role when you have a teenager.  Show them the options, the course, the different routes, all the while giving your input. A guide, so to speak.

Explorer
Some people are geared for sailing.  Metaphorically.  These types want to see the world, experience different stuff.  And chances are, they're ready to go.....today [ie now].  That's my daughter.  She's ready to sail on out of the harbor.  Yet she really doesn't have a clue on how to get the ship out of the harbor, and once she got it out, she wouldn't know which way to steer.  Not because she's unintelligent.  Because she is inexperienced. 

I'm finding this season to be one of endings and beginnings.  I suppose when the explorers mentioned above set sail they had to realize they were saying good-bye, possibly forever to how things were.  They were headed for a new world filled with adventures and who knows what.  

All that's great, in respect to the raising a teenager perspective.  While I'm excited to see where my kids end up, I'm saddened to step out into unknown waters.  There's a chance things will forever change.  Actually, it's more than a chance.  They're going to move on and I'm going to stay here.  Unless of course I follow them.  Which is not out of the question.  Doesn't every ship need a navigator?

the insanity of motherhood

I suppose there's some truth to it.  We moms are all a bit insane.  But I blame it on the child/children.

Packing lunch.  Who can remember who likes what?  I can for the most part remember which child likes crunchy peanut butter and which prefers creamy.  But at 6:45am it can be difficult to keep things straight.  Remembering to pack a spoon for the yogurt.  Chunks of cheese on the salad as opposed to grated.  On and on.  I estimate at the end of this school year, I'll have packed over 4000 school lunches.  Maybe I'll be presented with a watch.

Calendars, events, mood swings, the daughter gets through adolescence right before you look ahead to menopause......

Their needs and so called needs.  The humorous things referred to as [first world probs] like skinny jeans that fit properly and finding a clean water bottle.  "Can we go to the mall?" asks one.  "I hate the mall!" exclaims the other.  "Please pick up my library book that's in."  "Please copy 75 sheets of music."  "Please get me mascara.  Black/brown.  Not water-proof.  Smudge resistant though."  Do you know how many types of mascara Maybelline alone produces?  "I need deodorant."  "The dog needs food."  "I'm going on a field trip and need $27.50 plus lunch money."

I'm not complaining, as these requests are all part of the job description.  It's what I signed up for when I decided to have children.  But I think it all contributes to the losing of one's sanity.

As does their ever changing vocabulary.  Take the word "hella" for instance.  This is a fairly new one.  And I'm not sure if it's a curse word or not.  It seems to be used as an adjective.  So, when I hear it, I'm confused as to whether I should reprimand my children, as I would if they said, "I'm mad as hell." 

Then there's the music.  When did my daughter possibly have time to memorize the lyrics of every song on the radio?  She can go from Taylor Swift to Bruno Mars to Mumford to Rihanna.  The other night, she sang/rapped the song Heartless while her brother chimed in every so often on bass and back up.  And it was surprisingly decent.  Which makes me thankful she hasn't asked to try out for American Idol. 

Once you have a child, whether the child is an infant or nearly grown, or I imagine, completely grown, you have another person that inhabits your thoughts.  Someone you're responsible for, someone you must provide for.  Even though I share this duty with my husband, my children are still always occupying part of my thought process.  Every decision, nearly every meal planned, every trip even to the grocery store or movie theater involves thinking of them and their perspective.  How they fit into the picture.  And it can make a person a little crazy.

Because it's a struggle for one's mind to be in two places at once.  If I only had myself to think of, the mistakes wouldn't be such a big deal.  Over-commitment?  Much easier to overcome.  Too tired to function?  Not a hassle if alone.  Just crawl under the covers.  But if I need to pick up or drop off or provide a meal?  Well, the old brain has to fire up and tell the body what to do. And after many years of this, the factory gets run down.  Which is another way of saying, one loses it a bit.  The blood vessels running from the heart to the brain to everywhere else, start to deteriorate, like rust on the conveyor belt.  And the finished product isn't quite as sleek and shiny.  But, there is still a product.  Which is all that really matters, I suppose.

I appreciate the Sallinger quote though, in that he said mothers are only slightly insane, not completely.  I've still got a bit of sanity, a little reasoning, an ability to function clearly.  That's encouraging, right?

ombre and fashion and kids

If you are not familiar with the term ombre, I suggest you GOOGLE it.  It seems to be popular now, in hair, in nail color, in furniture painting, decorating, etc. Basically, if you can change the color of something, ombre is a possibility.

After much [and I emphasize much] consideration, my teenage daughter decided upon ombre hair. We recently tried a blond dip dye, to no avail.  Her hair, already blond, did not show a definite difference in shades.  On Saturday, she leaned towards purple.  As in, a subtle, purple dip dye.  Again, if you're not familiar with what a dip dye is, by all means, utilize GOOGLE.  I will not take the time to describe or explain.  But alas, all we could locate in the purple dye department was something akin to what punkers use.  Actually, I think it is what punkers use.  Since daughter Allie is not a punker, she wasn't willing to go as dark as they are.  Come to think of it, is there such a thing as punkers in this day and age?  Anyways, on Saturday evening, after visiting Walgreen's with her dad, she came home with an ombre kit.

Why she trusts me to dye her hair is beyond me.  But she does.  I, personally, am not a fan of hair dye.  I prefer the natural methods of coloring one's hair.  I use henna when my gray becomes unbearable.  Sure, in my youth I highlighted and applied Sun In.  I became a blond during my college years.  But that was a long time ago and I lived mostly in California during that phase.  Enough about me.....  Dear, sweet Allie wanted a change.  So, a change we attempted.  It's a bit difficult to tell from this photo, but I do believe the ombre dye was a success.  Her hair is lighter on the ends and darker on top, which is what we were trying to achieve. 

Having a daughter is an adventure.  Often a stylistic adventure.  Allie chose to spend some of her saved money on a subscription to Vogue.  She and I watched the documentary September Issue together.  Then she read Grace:  A Memoir, which is about Grace Coddington.  And now I'm reading it.  She follows Cara Delevingne, has numerous magazine cut outs of Cara on her wall, and knows when Fashion Week occurs.  [Yes, I realize Grace and Cara are not everyday type people, so again, by all means GOOGLE if you're unfamiliar.  Were it not for Al, I would be.]  Allie will shop at American Eagle, but prefers Topshop.  She believes in putting together an outfit, not just wearing a shirt and jeans from a popular store together.  There's a difference [in her mind and I agree].  And she photos herself and posts her outfits on Instagram on a regular basis.  I don't think posting them has anything to do with arrogance, I think she just enjoys fashion as a hobby.

I believe we as a society, especially those of us who have at least some compassion and mercy in our hearts, often see fashion as frivolous.  Yet I'm not sure it's anymore so than sports or music or art in other forms.  While I would never condone demeaning anyone because of their attire, I would also not discourage a star athlete from accomplishing anything possible.  See, I'm not sure there's a difference in a 6'10 basketball star and a 5'10 thinly built girl who might end up on a Paris runway.  They're both using what they've got, so to speak.

Enough of my mini sermon on the art of fashion.  If you know me today, you realize I'm not exactly a fashionista.  Yet there was a time when I enjoyed clothes much more.  I have very fond 1980s memories of diving into boxes of my aunt's old clothes from the 1960s.  My grandmother let me take what I wanted and interestingly enough, people complemented me when I wore many of those items.  Today we'd call them vintage.  Then I called them my aunt's old clothes.  I still love a good thrift store adventure.  And I quite honestly would never buy my clothing at Chico's, even if I could afford regular trips there.  For one thing, Allie would not approve.

This is the shoe I liked.

Our family visited a shoe store on Saturday.  Husband Chip needed a new pair of shoes.  While he shopped, I looked through the women's clearance section.  I found a pair of shoes I liked.  Allie even liked them.  Son Jamie, well he disagreed.  When I pointed out a pair of ballet flats, he mentioned they were better suited for me.  So, honestly I cannot win.  Not as far as pleasing my kids.  My son thinks I should wear less makeup.  My daughter, more.


Teenagers are fun.  Once they move on, I figure I can wear what I want, unapologetically. Until then, well, it's always a risk to walk downstairs in the morning.

"Mom, what are you wearing?"  

That question is heard often.  I suppose it's a bit like peer pressure, yet my kids are not my peers.  On a positive note, Allie did give up spending for Lent.  My husband and I did not push her that direction.  We did not require our children make a sacrifice for the season.  She came up with this on her own.  I'm proud of her, because she likes to spend.  So no new shirts or pants or socks until after Easter.  We did buy the ombre kit for her.  We're nice that way. 

Our dog CJ is very fashionable, also.

02.02

First of all, happy Groundhog Day!  If you're a believer in a groundhog predicting our future weather, may the odds be {ever} in your favor.

Secondly, and more importantly, happy 18th birthday to my first born, Jamie!  I cannot believe he is now a legal adult.  That is way too crazy to comprehend.  But, mathematically it is so:

  2013

-1995

    18

Thirdly, today is an eventful day.  Not simply because it's a minor holiday or even because it's Jamie's 18th birthday.  Today Jamie and his dad will traverse to the University of Louisville for his auditions into their music department.  Specifically, he'll be auditioning on classical guitar and jazz guitar.

We will celebrate tonight upon his return.  We will celebrate tomorrow with an enchilada fiesta.

Today though, today will be a long day.  A good day, but a long day.

I read recently,

"The days are long, but the years are short." 

Oh, the truth in that statement.  Eighteen years can fly.

An infant, then a toddler, then a kid who can actually swim across a pool. 

He plays basketball.  He plays street hockey out front.  He knows every Russian player in the NHL by name. 

Then a fourth grader then a baseball catcher, and a kid who can play piano pretty well. He decides to try percussion, you realize he's pretty good, he can make a full meal for the family. 

You miss the bike rides and the magic shows and the comic strips he created.  There was the long hair phase and the percussion ensemble phase when he watched youtube snare drummers for hours on end.  You realize he has the self initiative to learn Chopin on the piano and think he might end up living in a Spanish speaking country. 

AP tests happen and he passes.  College looms ahead.  Good bye marching band, the years of drumming are drawing to a close.  A serious guitar student.  A call on a Thursday saying he'd made Governor's School for the Arts.  Meetings with professors and professionals and a week in Cincinnati at a conservatory.  Taking the ACT, retaking the ACT, retaking the ACT and BOOM!  Good enough.  Pomp and Circumstance in May gets closer.  A college decision will be made before that.  Life moves faster and faster.

Yes today will be a long day.  A nerve wracking day for the birthday young man.  And for the rest of us, because alas, not only is our James headed to his most important auditions to date, the weather is inclement.  It's snowing here, in Louisville, and in between.  All this makes it a day we'll never completely forget.  Then tomorrow, fun with the family, followed by a Super Bowl we don't care so much about. If you do, again, may the odds be......

We'll wake up Monday, get ready for school and work, with three adults now living in the house.  Mondays are generally long days.  But gosh, the years are short and few.

Happy 02.02.  Happy Groundhog Day!  Happy birthday to our James {best.son.ever}.

A boy and his guitar.

Jamie loves a cardigan.

Jamie looking tough, or at least trying to.

here's hoping

Today my daughter went on a field trip to our Kentucky State Capitol.  Apparently high schoolers take field trip just like first graders.  She had a great time, even getting to pretend she was the President of the Senate, complete with gavel.  I think it was a Leslie Knope moment for her [you'll only get that if you're a Parks & Rec fan].

I'm especially proud of daughter Allie today, not because of the senate situation, but because she went off the reservation a bit.  When the bus pulled into a McDonald's for lunch, she and her friends decided to ask if they could eat at the Mexican restaurant next door.  It's a small parental victory for me for a few reasons:
#1  I dislike McDonald's.  Allie and I are vegetarians, and how can a vegetarian be comfortable at McDonald's?  No offense if you are comfortable there, it's just they go through a great deal of feed lot cows, etc.  But that's for another day.  Anyway, Allie loves french fries, and I'm extremely surprised she didn't indulge.  I am happy for her stamina.

#2  I like Mexican food and would choose it over any other 98% of the time.  And Mexican restaurants always have something for a vegetarian.  The simplicity of beans and a tortilla is lovely.  But that's how I was raised [a stone's throw from the border, as I annoyingly like to remind my children].  Nevertheless [I love that word], I'm glad she was willing to do something different.

#3  I had sent Allie on this trip with $7 for lunch.  It's all I had in my wallet and I figured enough for a field trip lunch in Frankfort, Kentucky.  She eats a rather small packed lunch everyday at school, so I believed whole heartedly she'd be fine with this amount.  Well, due to the Mexican lunch, she ended up throwing in a few dollars of her own.  I think she ordered off the dinner menu.  I guess she's not familiar with a Mexican menu's a la carte.  Oh, and she also ordered a milkshake.  So, I'm glad she took along some of her own cash.  I think maybe, just maybe it helped her realize the reality of what things cost and our choices related to them.  [wilted salad from the McDonald's dollar menu or enchilada platter?]

Incidentally, after their lunch, the girls decided to visit a Goodwill store nearby.  Whether their teachers knew about this, I'm not altogether sure.  What brings me joy, is there was a day not long ago, when Allie strongly disliked thrift stores.  She didn't like to frequent them as I do.  I'm a thrift store junkie.  What's not to love?  Allie prefers mall stores and Target and the usual teen girl scene.  But lately, she's changed her tune.

There are things you hope your children pick up from you and things you hope they don't.  I've found that how we handle different situations depends on just that, different situations.  My views on raising teenagers are different today, because I actually have teenagers, than they were when I had toddlers.  While Allie agreeing with me that thrift stores are awesome is not a moral issue, I do realize that her making purchases there will save her money, compared to buying new at the mall.  

Basically, we raise our kids in hopes they'll eventually learn to make the right choices.  Whether it's  where to eat lunch today or where to attend college in the fall.  For years, we make most of the choices for them.  Where they'll live, what they'll wear, what we're willing to pay for.  And we don't always know if our decisions are correct.  I will never have a one hundred percent confirmation that our cross town move was the right thing to do.  Understandably, there are those who would say it was a ridiculous and even dangerous choice.  People can always question other parents' motives and reasoning.  And there are no guarantees.  There are proverbs and suggestions and stories to refer back to.  But nobody can offer you a sure thing.  Because there comes a point, no matter how perfect our parental choices, when the kids start making their own.

I've quoted him before in a blog post, and while he's a fictional tv character, he does offer truth:

"You fake your way through it. And hopefully you

don't raise a serial killer."

That, my friends, was said by Phil Dunphy of the program Modern Family, regarding raising children.

While yes, there are some guidelines in the bible, and there are books out there and child psychologists with sound advice, parenting can be a big, {here's hoping} experience.

Here's hoping.........
they don't get lost
they like at least one green vegetable
they don't become a bully or get bullied
they don't take themselves too seriously
they take you seriously
they don't get emotionally involved with a thug
and on and on

While we haven't "faked our way through it" all, I'll admit there's more faking than I'd prefer.  More than anything, there's a lot of {here's hoping} they learn to make the right choices.  And a lot of prayer.  And more hoping.