navigators and explorers

When I was a student, I enjoyed hearing the stories about explorers.  Remember?  Columbus, Magellan, Ponce de Leon, Balboa, Cabot, etc. 

This week after school my daughter began participating in high school soccer conditioning. This is a new thing.  She hasn't played organized soccer in years.  Apparently her school's team isn't that great [only what I've heard...no offense if you're on the team] and she has a friend or two who are on the team.  She likes to run; she's looking to fill some time.  So, she's decided to give it a try.

Our son has a game plan for the next four years.  College is mapped out.  He knows what he's good at and what he enjoys.  He doesn't need a navigator as much as he previously did.

Daughter Allie is a different story.  She wants to see the world, at least the European part.  She wants to be a foreign exchange student.  She likes to take photographs, she likes fashion, she likes music, reading, and, like I mentioned above, she enjoys running.  She wants to be an explorer.  But at this point, she still needs a navigator. 

Navigator.  
I think that's the parents' role when you have a teenager.  Show them the options, the course, the different routes, all the while giving your input. A guide, so to speak.

Explorer
Some people are geared for sailing.  Metaphorically.  These types want to see the world, experience different stuff.  And chances are, they're ready to go.....today [ie now].  That's my daughter.  She's ready to sail on out of the harbor.  Yet she really doesn't have a clue on how to get the ship out of the harbor, and once she got it out, she wouldn't know which way to steer.  Not because she's unintelligent.  Because she is inexperienced. 

I'm finding this season to be one of endings and beginnings.  I suppose when the explorers mentioned above set sail they had to realize they were saying good-bye, possibly forever to how things were.  They were headed for a new world filled with adventures and who knows what.  

All that's great, in respect to the raising a teenager perspective.  While I'm excited to see where my kids end up, I'm saddened to step out into unknown waters.  There's a chance things will forever change.  Actually, it's more than a chance.  They're going to move on and I'm going to stay here.  Unless of course I follow them.  Which is not out of the question.  Doesn't every ship need a navigator?

ombre and fashion and kids

If you are not familiar with the term ombre, I suggest you GOOGLE it.  It seems to be popular now, in hair, in nail color, in furniture painting, decorating, etc. Basically, if you can change the color of something, ombre is a possibility.

After much [and I emphasize much] consideration, my teenage daughter decided upon ombre hair. We recently tried a blond dip dye, to no avail.  Her hair, already blond, did not show a definite difference in shades.  On Saturday, she leaned towards purple.  As in, a subtle, purple dip dye.  Again, if you're not familiar with what a dip dye is, by all means, utilize GOOGLE.  I will not take the time to describe or explain.  But alas, all we could locate in the purple dye department was something akin to what punkers use.  Actually, I think it is what punkers use.  Since daughter Allie is not a punker, she wasn't willing to go as dark as they are.  Come to think of it, is there such a thing as punkers in this day and age?  Anyways, on Saturday evening, after visiting Walgreen's with her dad, she came home with an ombre kit.

Why she trusts me to dye her hair is beyond me.  But she does.  I, personally, am not a fan of hair dye.  I prefer the natural methods of coloring one's hair.  I use henna when my gray becomes unbearable.  Sure, in my youth I highlighted and applied Sun In.  I became a blond during my college years.  But that was a long time ago and I lived mostly in California during that phase.  Enough about me.....  Dear, sweet Allie wanted a change.  So, a change we attempted.  It's a bit difficult to tell from this photo, but I do believe the ombre dye was a success.  Her hair is lighter on the ends and darker on top, which is what we were trying to achieve. 

Having a daughter is an adventure.  Often a stylistic adventure.  Allie chose to spend some of her saved money on a subscription to Vogue.  She and I watched the documentary September Issue together.  Then she read Grace:  A Memoir, which is about Grace Coddington.  And now I'm reading it.  She follows Cara Delevingne, has numerous magazine cut outs of Cara on her wall, and knows when Fashion Week occurs.  [Yes, I realize Grace and Cara are not everyday type people, so again, by all means GOOGLE if you're unfamiliar.  Were it not for Al, I would be.]  Allie will shop at American Eagle, but prefers Topshop.  She believes in putting together an outfit, not just wearing a shirt and jeans from a popular store together.  There's a difference [in her mind and I agree].  And she photos herself and posts her outfits on Instagram on a regular basis.  I don't think posting them has anything to do with arrogance, I think she just enjoys fashion as a hobby.

I believe we as a society, especially those of us who have at least some compassion and mercy in our hearts, often see fashion as frivolous.  Yet I'm not sure it's anymore so than sports or music or art in other forms.  While I would never condone demeaning anyone because of their attire, I would also not discourage a star athlete from accomplishing anything possible.  See, I'm not sure there's a difference in a 6'10 basketball star and a 5'10 thinly built girl who might end up on a Paris runway.  They're both using what they've got, so to speak.

Enough of my mini sermon on the art of fashion.  If you know me today, you realize I'm not exactly a fashionista.  Yet there was a time when I enjoyed clothes much more.  I have very fond 1980s memories of diving into boxes of my aunt's old clothes from the 1960s.  My grandmother let me take what I wanted and interestingly enough, people complemented me when I wore many of those items.  Today we'd call them vintage.  Then I called them my aunt's old clothes.  I still love a good thrift store adventure.  And I quite honestly would never buy my clothing at Chico's, even if I could afford regular trips there.  For one thing, Allie would not approve.

This is the shoe I liked.

Our family visited a shoe store on Saturday.  Husband Chip needed a new pair of shoes.  While he shopped, I looked through the women's clearance section.  I found a pair of shoes I liked.  Allie even liked them.  Son Jamie, well he disagreed.  When I pointed out a pair of ballet flats, he mentioned they were better suited for me.  So, honestly I cannot win.  Not as far as pleasing my kids.  My son thinks I should wear less makeup.  My daughter, more.


Teenagers are fun.  Once they move on, I figure I can wear what I want, unapologetically. Until then, well, it's always a risk to walk downstairs in the morning.

"Mom, what are you wearing?"  

That question is heard often.  I suppose it's a bit like peer pressure, yet my kids are not my peers.  On a positive note, Allie did give up spending for Lent.  My husband and I did not push her that direction.  We did not require our children make a sacrifice for the season.  She came up with this on her own.  I'm proud of her, because she likes to spend.  So no new shirts or pants or socks until after Easter.  We did buy the ombre kit for her.  We're nice that way. 

Our dog CJ is very fashionable, also.

the failure of hopes to manifest

A little over a year ago I wrote an entry entitled, {disappointment}.  It was written in response to just that, some disappointments our family was facing.

Funny that today, a Friday, the first day of a new month, the eve of a weekend filled with family activities and enjoyment, I find myself struggling with disappointment.

Our daughter wants to study in England.  Her plan is to be a foreign exchange student her junior year of high school.  She's currently a freshman.  We found out last week England, Ireland and Scotland do not participate in the exchange program she would be a part of.  These countries feel the the US is not culturally different enough from them.  There are other countries she could choose.  France, perhaps?  She is in her third year of French.  Except France doesn't accept vegetarians, which she is.

I realize it will work out.  She can go to another country and probably have the experience of a lifetime.  Or she can wait until college and study abroad then.  Or perhaps another plan will come to be.  But for today, it's the failure of her hopes to manifest.

She really, for whatever reason, desires to go to England.  And it seems to be more than a phase.  As a parent, it can be difficult to monitor these things.  Is this feasible?  Is this out of the question?  Is this......?  She's passionate about it.  To the extreme.  It's like she's ready to go, fly, explore.  And of course, we, as her parents, don't want to hold her back.  Yet, it's a big deal.  Moving across the world, that is.  But today, today England is not possible. 

There comes a point as a parent when you can no longer mask disappointments.  Kids come to the realization that life is unfair.  Life is not always pleasant.  There are rules that apply to us but we'd rather they do not.  Things don't always make sense.  Algebraic formulas that work on paper don't always converge with the realities of life.  People come, go, move, change, and so do situations.  And we can control very, very little.

Those are hard lessons for kids.  Those are hard lessons to convey as parents and guide our children through.  

When our children were young, a problem could be taken care of with an ice cream cone.  A consolation meal at McDonald's could bring joy.  Now neither of our children eat meat, and an apple doesn't make for the best treat.  I actually put together a small surprise for my daughter last week.  She was happy, grateful, seemingly touched.  Yet, she knows the happiness won't last indefinitely and the disappointment is still a real feeling.  It simply can't be covered up.  At least not for long.

Comforting a teenage girl is not easy.  It's nearly impossible in our case, and I'm not certain comfort is what she wants or needs.  She wants a ticket to London, and that's not going to happen as planned.  So we'll modify and maybe purchase a ticket to Rome or Milan.  Or maybe Prague.  Time will tell.  Meantime, I'll try not to obnoxiously [help], which is difficult, because being obnoxiously helpful is one of my specialties.  But again, a cheesy smiling mother is not what she needs.  She needs to work through the disappointment, establish an alternative goal, and make it happen.  I'm certain she will.  And eventually she'll need and want some help with the plan.

Seeing your daughter's hopes fail to manifest is difficult.  It is frustrating.  It is a disappointment.  I look forward to seeing how this aspect of her life plays out. 

Read Allie's Blog