thank you, but what about this?

Up at 4:30am; awake since around 3:00.  That's my early Wednesday saga.  Thoughts going through my head.  Work stuff, kid stuff.  I just sent emailed myself a to-do list.

I should probably try reading instead of staring at this screen.  The light doesn't help my insomnia.

I'm fortunate in that I generally don't struggle with sleep problems.  My husband does, and it's not something I'm envious about.  He has great hair, of which I am envious.  He's a logical thinker; I am often not and again, I am sometimes a tad jealous of this fact.  But he can't sleep as well as I can, so I guess in that category I win.

Yet alas, this early morning, I do not.  It's most likely a tie, because I know he was up earlier in the night.

This is the week in which some days have a name.  Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter Sunday.  The week is labeled Holy Week, as you most likely know.  On Sunday, I'll wrap up my focus on gratefulness.  It's been a good time, and since I'm a decent person, I'll continue to be grateful.  Or at least try.

I've had many reminders during Lent regarding thankfulness.  People and things I am grateful for.  Yet, there have been so many questions.  Questions I thought I'd figured out the answer to.  Things I thought I could explain, yet I realize, more than ever, I simply just don't know and might never.

So, I'm grateful too, for the questions.  And I am more unsure than ever why some are so afraid to ask them.  They seem so sure everything can be neatly packaged, written about and sold at LifeWay Christian Stores.

Sometimes I actually wish I was more dogmatic, more of a fundamentalist.  It seems easier.  Easier not to question, just blindly believe.  Perhaps there's a sense of freedom for those who offer themselves little or none.

I prefer to think God can handle the questions though.  After all, he did give me an inquisitive mind, right?  So I'll thank him for my middle aged brain, and my husband's logical one, and my teenagers' minds because they are so curious and challenging.  Which I'm happy about.  Yet frazzled because there is so much we just don't comprehend.  And what do you tell them?  Google the answers to the universe?  That doesn't work so well for things that cannot be proven as fact.  So we discuss them, sometimes heatedly, at the dinner table.  And that often brings up more questions.

Maybe that's part of the joy of Easter.  Knowing we don't have to have it all figured out.  Knowing we don't have to know the details and the answers and why dreams don't always come true.  I will try my best to focus on redemption and reconciliation, which to me is what this week is all about.    And what I am most thankful for.

ordinary

Today is Monday and it's a rainy day.  I'm one of those "rainy days and Mondays" people.  In other words, it's not easy for me to be overjoyed on a Monday that's also a rainy day.

I'm trying to focus on gratitude during this season of Lent. One of the specific ways I'm trying to do this is during my morning commute to work. As in, I try to think about what I'm grateful for. This morning, as I reflected on my weekend, I realized for the most part, it was an ordinary one.  Nothing spectacular happened.  My family did not leave the city.  I did not acquire anything fantastic or eat out.  It was a regular few days, and even included a Taco Night, which while something we Moncks greatly enjoy, was not out of the ordinary for us.  Perhaps we should rename it Noche de el Taco.

While this weekend was not at all significant or special, I realized there were some joyful experiences.  I went to a University of Kentucky gymnastics meet with my daughter and a friend/co-worker.  Our team won the meet.  Likewise, the UK men's basketball team won on Saturday, invoking a few yells at the tv [by me] and leaving my husband, son and I standing during the final seconds.  On Saturday morning, the weather was glorious and my daughter and I went for a run.  Saturday evening, our family went to Starbuck's and played a board game.  On Sunday morning our family attended a church service together.

There was the usual chatter.  I think we covered the following topics:

• hell
• Rand Paul and his filibuster
• fads in the church
• donuts
• various theological thoughts, views, theories
• college basketball
• Rory McIlroy
• the possibility of making Vine and Main Streets in downtown Lexington one-way streets
• and the possibility of our family taking it upon ourselves to paint solid yellow lines on said streets
• whether our new neighbor might be attempting to poison our dog
• the failing careers of female Disney stars
• and various and assorted other things

Nothing out of the norm for us.  

I'm coming to realize there's much to be grateful for in the ordinary.  And a mindset of gratitude can make the normal more pleasant.  It's in the outlook; it's dependent on the lifestyle.  It comes down to a choice.

"Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings."

~ Williams Arthur Ward

On Sunday, we took a walk.  As in all four of us, plus our beagle.  We walked around our neighborhood.  And while it was simply a walk, it was a blessing.  I was grateful for a sunny afternoon, two teenagers still living at home, a husband/dad who makes us laugh, and an old dog who loves a stroll.   Sure, it would have been more exciting to fly to Chicago or dine at a gourmet restaurant.  But I'm not sure if either of those would have brought any more joy.  I'm learning to be thankful for today.  It's not always easy.  It doesn't always come naturally.  Especially on rainy days and Mondays......

gratitude vs comparison

This season of Lent, I am trying to meditate on gratitude.  As I consider gratitude and whether or not I'm living a life filled with thankfulness, my mind is conflicted with thoughts of comparison.

I know, I know.  Comparison is the root of inferiority.  Comparison is the root of much unhappiness.  Yet, when I think of what I'm thankful for, I confess I often compare my so called [blessings] with others.

Sure, I'm thankful for the income our family receives monthly.  But, comparatively, shouldn't we be making more?  We're middle aged, educated.  My husband has a master's degree, for gosh sakes!

I'm thankful, likewise, for many material things, as well as for many non-material:  my husband, my children, extended family members who love me.  Yet, I sometimes compare relationships; I sometimes look into the windows of others lives and compare.......

There are also times when I go the other way.  Asking why I have so much and others have so little.  I sat in my office last week and talked to a man who, with his wife, escaped The Congo.  I simply cannot relate to his stories.  He's dealt with survival at its primal.  I've had problems, issues, setbacks, but frankly, nothing like what he's gone through.  So I question the fairness.  Sure I can be grateful for what I have.  But how about him?  I'm sure he's thankful to be here now.  But there's a different degree of gratitude in a refuge camp than at my dinner table.  He wasn't sure if he'd survive.  I know I have everything I need and much more.

I suppose what it comes down to is:  Choice.

Gratitude is a choice I can make.   And I need to make it without comparing.  Simply be grateful.  Be thankful.  Be content. 

Colossians 3:15 [AMP]
And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds, in that peaceful state] to which as [members of Christ’s] one body you were also called [to live]. And be thankful (appreciative), [giving praise to God always].

...and be thankful